Silently Suffering After Pregnancy Loss | Cassandra Blomberg | TEDxSDMesaCollege

Silently Suffering After Pregnancy Loss | Cassandra Blomberg | TEDxSDMesaCollege

In this powerful and emotional talk, Cassandra Blomberg combines her personal journey through pregnancy loss with research on miscarriage and stillbirth to explain why we need to break the silence surrounding this topic. She explains the emotions women and men
may experience during pregnancy loss, how the loss can impact mental health and future children, and what we need to do to better support those going through it.
Cassandra Blomberg earned her elementary education teaching credential and B.A. in Diversified Liberal Arts from the University of San Diego and earned her M.S. from San Diego State University where she studied child and family development. Her passion is supporting
children and their families from pregnancy through early childhood. She has taught first grade, opened a State-funded preschool for low-income children in San Diego, and currently is an adjunct child development instructor in the San Diego Community College District and a parent coach.
Cassandra and her husband, Ryan, have three young sons, but their journey to parenthood has not been easy. Between their first and second sons, Cassandra suffered three miscarriages and the stillbirth of their daughter, Violet. She now dedicates much of her time supporting others who have experienced pregnancy loss. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at


  1. Robsy on May 12, 2022 at 7:59 pm

    My husband just told me he will never forgive me!!! What a pain to endure for a lifetime apart from the grief I am suffering

  2. on May 12, 2022 at 8:01 pm

    Thank you!

  3. Susie Johnson on May 12, 2022 at 8:02 pm

    Thank you for posting this. I just had a miscarriage at 5 weeks and it hurts

  4. Katherine Moore on May 12, 2022 at 8:03 pm

    My 3rd pregnancy was a miscarriage after 2 healthy pregnancies. Almost a year later and I am struggling. My husband now saying he doesn’t think we can have another baby and me feeling desperate to have another baby because I feel like I am missing a part of my family. I always wanted a boy and we have 2 girls and I was holding out hope for a 3rd pregnancy and possibly a fourth but now I am trying to come to grips with more than likely never being pregnant again never trying for my family to feel complete and having my last pregnancy be a loss. After years of infertility and illness I just feel devastated all over again. I feel so hopeless even though I am seeing a therapist and trying desperately to get better….feeling I will never be fully happy again and spending a lot of time depressed

  5. Basia Barbara on May 12, 2022 at 8:04 pm

    Thank you for this talk❤

  6. Aminah Allen on May 12, 2022 at 8:04 pm

    The worst part is I remember the sudden stabbing pain when I lost my baby. I didn’t know what it was until it was too late.

  7. simon jonassen on May 12, 2022 at 8:07 pm

    we lost our daughter 10 days before term way back in 2000 – and i still hurt from that sometimes

  8. K Sis on May 12, 2022 at 8:11 pm

    I’ll admit, i used to think it was sad but it wasnt the worst thing that could happen. I used to think that having a stillborn or a newborn die was the absolute worst and that an early miscarriage wasn’t that bad. But i had a loss only 2 days after finding out, and I will never minimize anyone’s journey again. Im currently pregnant again and I still grieve my first pregnancy and think about the what-ifs. I’m so sorry that i ever dismissed anyones loss. Any loss is a loss, and you deserve to grieve however and whenever.

  9. Sahra on May 12, 2022 at 8:12 pm

    Had a miscarriage today. It hurts so much. Im 20 years old and was 6 weeks pregnant up until today. I will pray for anyone who lost their baby ❤️ and I pray for every pregnant women to have a healthy pregnancy & delivery

  10. Peter Joyce on May 12, 2022 at 8:17 pm

    I’m really very much happy i shrunk my multiple fibriods, painful periods , heavy bleeding. with Dr Aluda herbal supplement on YouTube, God will bless you continuosly sir.

  11. Jade Parkins on May 12, 2022 at 8:20 pm

    I cried and cried and cried whilst watching this. After losing 7 babies, with 1 being stillborn at full term and 1 I buried when he was 6 months old. So this was difficult to watch but I needed to hear it.

  12. Evelina Davis on May 12, 2022 at 8:21 pm

    I don’t talk about my losses because it makes people feel so uncomfortable when I bring it up. They have no idea what to say or how to respond and I can sense they are bummed out and that I’ve just killed the mood by being a Debbie downer so I have to now change the subject to lighten the mood of the conversation. I feel responsible for making people feel sad and helpless and awkward when I bring it up so I just don’t. Does that make any sense?

  13. Ash on May 12, 2022 at 8:21 pm

    Lost my son on 12/20/21 at 19weeks! The worst experience of my life. Such a traumatic process and lonely even if you have people around you for support. I have family, friends and my boyfriend. However, no one will understand it quiet like yourself.

  14. Samantha Marzal on May 12, 2022 at 8:24 pm

    Oh SHEESH. LOUDER for the people in the back. We had our loss earlier this month, found out at 19 week appt, a "missed late miscarriage". When I was told by one of my closest friends the "something must have been wrong" spiel, I about was ready to lose my mind. I was so angry and upset that I haven’t talked to her since this conversation, a few weeks ago. I love this woman and I know we’re still friends but my deep gut feelings when hearing these words were that I felt ultra furious and mad at her, disgusted by the idea, overall just more brokenhearted than before hearing it. It’s exactly like Cassandra says. I wanted my baby!!!!!!! I WANTED my baby, no matter what she looked like, no matter her health situation, whatever, yada yada. That baby will always be my little saint, my princess and to me she was/is PERFECT… <3 Nothing could be "wrong" with her, chromosome problems or whatever, or not…Nothing could make me want her less. It would only increase the guilt for me to agree with what my friend said; how could a loving momma agree it is somehow better or an act of mercy for her baby to have died?….Definitely I don’t hold it against my friend, I love her to pieces, but dang. That one hurts. </3 Lots of love to all you brave souls who know this kind of pain, may God bless and keep you

  15. hailsnail on May 12, 2022 at 8:25 pm

    I had my miscarriage this Mother’s Day. I had thought it would be my last Mother’s Day not being a mother.

  16. Eve Lucus on May 12, 2022 at 8:25 pm

    I lost my baby yesterday at 7 weeks.Very painful experienced,I feel empty and broken

  17. Johanna on May 12, 2022 at 8:29 pm

    I just had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago and it was my first pregnancy. It’s so hard because my sister is 15 weeks pregnant. I called and told my brother and when he said "just imagine how your sister would have felt since she is further gone than you, that would have been even worse" it broke me, I’m only 21. It felt so invalidation and my intrusive thoughts and overwhelming anger guilt shame at myself just grew. Then he told me "I know you’re probably feeling a lot due to the hormones in your blood" like no I’m trying to process the fact that I’ll never get to see them, I’ll be constantly reminded but my sisters growing stomach, I’ll be reminded every birthday I have for the rest of my life since I find out I was pregnant the same day. Having to hide my sadness/jealousy/emptyness from my sister is so hard and invalidating.

  18. I Opener on May 12, 2022 at 8:29 pm

    My partner has just had a miscarriage and now she’s acting like a totally different person, she wants to break up after 9 years and a daughter together, we have lived together for 8 years but now she doesn’t want anything to do with me even though I’ve always been there for her through everything, I don’t know what to do, we’ve always spoke about our differences and never argued or been violent, can someone please help me to salvage this and show her I’m hurting too but this will destroy us completely if we don’t get help, I’m begging for the answer

  19. Lavinia Knop-Walling on May 12, 2022 at 8:30 pm

    I lost my baby at 10 weeks. After a few weeks, people stopped asking me how I felt. Everyone acted as if nothing had happened. Sometimes, I feel so much anger towards my friends, family, and colleagues. They moved on and I feel stuck with my anger because I don’T quite know how to express it.

  20. Danielle Jackson on May 12, 2022 at 8:31 pm

    This is so important. My wife and I lost ours a month ago. And although I appreciated all the support, I to was shocked at how many people in my life had losses and never told anyone.

  21. BeYOUtiful _1111 on May 12, 2022 at 8:31 pm

    Reading the comments helps me a lot .

  22. Arnold Vanessa on May 12, 2022 at 8:34 pm

    Still amazed with the immediate healing i received from Dr.ALUDA on youtube, now i’m free from my 15,cm Fibroid permanently and i say only God will reward you for all the good works you putting out for people.

  23. Ashley Brindley on May 12, 2022 at 8:34 pm

    ‘It wasn’t meant to be’ and ‘your body wasn’t ready’ is something that was said to me when I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks in December 2021. Little did they know that was my 5th miscarriage.
    I had 4 miscarriages over the space of 4 years. I had a successful pregnancy and gave birth to mt gorgeous little boy in February 2021. I found out I was pregnant again in the September and I was absolutely over the moon. I was frightened to transition from one baby to 2 and have 2 babies under the age of 2 but I was so ready. I had already planned out our lives for the next 5 years. I was so ready to give my son a little baby brother or sister. When the process of the miscarriage started my heart just broke into a million pieces. This miscarriage hurt so much more than the previous 4 because I had finally got to experience the end result when having my son. I finally knew all the love I was losing. All the memories i would never get. And people thought it was appropriate to say things like ‘you can just focus on logan now’ (logan is my 1 year old son) and things like ‘it would of been really hard for you to have 2 babies so close in age, this was for the best’
    Its only been 4 months today since my miscarriage. I would of been 7 months pregnant right now and that absolutely kills me every single day. I pray every month that I miss a period or that I wake up and it was just a bad dream. That loss has sent me into such a horrible depression. Its changed me completely. Im not happy anymore I struggle to make it through the day sometimes without crying. People say ‘logan should be enough to forget about it’ or ‘you can’t be depressed youve got logan to think of’ but what they cant seem to understand is that… everytime I look at my son all I see is what his little brother or sister should of looked like. All I think about is how we should of already known the gender and have decorated a nursery for him/her by now. I should have a big pregnant belly by now but I dont. And I’m not okay about it. I can’t just move on from what I’ve lost. I love my son to pieces and hes the only reason I get out of bed in the morning hes the only reason I survive each day. People who haven’t experienced a pregnancy loss should never try and give advice if its just going to be a back handed piece of advice.

  24. Iya Kida on May 12, 2022 at 8:35 pm

    I had a miscarriage with my first baby at 11 weeks then stillbirth at 23rd week… My heart breaks everyday and everything doesn’t matter anymore. Its like a nightmare waking up and the pain doesn’t go away….

  25. Julia’s Life on May 12, 2022 at 8:37 pm

    God…I needed this video so much…I’m struggling just like any other mother that had lost her baby. I’ve had 3 miscarriages. Two in the first trimester and one at 13 weeks, which had happened on December 19,2021. I delivered the baby. I caught it in my hand…I can still remember and see his/her body in my palm…he/she was as big as my palm, a tiny baby, with a beautiful nose which reminded me of mine …and I had to stay silent…because just like she said…I didn’t announce my pregnancy and consequently I had to stay silent…
    I needed to see this video so much…she gave me hope…
    Thank you!

  26. ROStory on May 12, 2022 at 8:38 pm

    It’s been 1 year and 1 month my sunshine since I lost you. I’m praying that I could hug you right because I really missed you so much and it still breaks my heart knowing that I can never have you by my side. The pain is still here and it keeps deeper and deeper every 17th of the month comes. Please help me get over this my love, please.

  27. Radha Martin on May 12, 2022 at 8:42 pm

    Here’s another: “It wasn’t meant to be”

  28. L. O. on May 12, 2022 at 8:43 pm

    She wants to shout it to the world…. I wanted to. It was the first trimester and my first and only pregnancy. The baby-to-be’s dad was like "that little creature needs to die". He pressured me to abort. I was too afraid to stand up for my choice. I was scared of being aggressed and humiliated. I knew no one I could have turned to for help. It’s been so hard to find neutral information about post-abortion depression. The doctors I saw at that time gaslit me into believing the abuse I had endured was untrue and I only projected my guilt and grief onto the guy as a coping mechanism. I was told the depression I was talking about is just manipulation written by haters. Not only that those people didn’t help but they also harmed me. So I have recently started to read about post-miscarriage to understand pregnancy loss and the way that impacts a woman’s life. Hoping to find more neutral information and validation for my feelings of loss and emptiness. Thank you for this talk.

  29. babyroo on May 12, 2022 at 8:44 pm

    everyone around me is having a baby. I’m happy for them but I feel deeply saddened by my loss. I lost mine at 5 weeks. It happened last year but I still cry about it every now and then. everyone said to me "try again", "it happens more often than you think", "better lose it early than later on", "wait until you’re married".
    Only 1 cousin said get help & talk about it. reading through the comments really helps.
    sending you strength & love moms and dads.

  30. Tickled Toffee on May 12, 2022 at 8:46 pm

    You’d be 16 years old this month. I didn’t get to bring you into this world, but I know I’ll see you in the next. I don’t know how long we’ve still got to hold on, but we’ll get there. I love you always

  31. Malia Reynolds on May 12, 2022 at 8:49 pm

    The worst response I got was " At least you lost it at 6 weeks and not further along" I was told that more than once. To me it wasn’t better because I lost it at 6 weeks. I was expected to just keep moving on with my life and pretend nothing is wrong. So here I am a month later pretending I don’t care so everyone else is comfortable.

  32. Amanda J on May 12, 2022 at 8:51 pm

    In October 2021 my husband and I suffered a miscarriage. We hadn’t told everyone yet, I was waiting for the ultrasound first. It was at the ultrasound that we found out that our little one had passed away. There was no way I could grieve the loss of my baby without letting the world know that my baby exists. It was hard, but I made a post that detailed everything and let everyone know that we lost our little one. Fast forward to tonight and I am 6 weeks pregnant and telling everyone. I figure that I want everyone to know of my baby either way and society will just have to deal with it. But all of that love and joy of being pregnant again is overshadowed by terror that I might have to announce a second miscarriage. My back yard cannot handle that many more trees.

  33. Sabrina DeeBunny on May 12, 2022 at 8:52 pm

    I just had a miscarriage at 12 weeks i can’t stop crying

  34. Olga Valle on May 12, 2022 at 8:53 pm

    En español x fa

  35. Kayla Billings on May 12, 2022 at 8:55 pm

    I really thought I was in the clear. I had just accepted her, and was ready to become a mom of 2. I’ve had 7 miscarriage and with elith I was 18 weeks. I just don’t understand. There isn’t any words to help, I just want my baby.
    She is absolutely beautiful and unscathed. I’m grateful she only knew comfort safety and love. R.i.p elith Annemarie. 3-1-22❤️

  36. Makayla Greenleaf on May 12, 2022 at 8:56 pm

    I didnt even know I was pregnant till I lost my angel baby. I have a 9 month girl and I’ve been thinking about having another baby, and now that I’ve lost my second (3rd miscarriage) I feel like I’m falling apart. I just want to curl up and cry. I cant though, I have a house and family to take care of and its affecting everyone around me I’m so upset that I cant control it and it’s very obvious I’m sad. I bring everyone around me down. I dont know what to do, everything just feels so heavy. I’ve lost family before but I’ve never felt a pain like this.

  37. crisbarcelona11 on May 12, 2022 at 8:56 pm

    I didn’t wait to third month and have no problem talking about my loss…

  38. Setimania on May 12, 2022 at 8:57 pm

    Thank you

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