Weird Bible Verses That Never Get Quoted | People Stories #795
Weird Bible Verses That Never Get Quoted | People Stories #795
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I needed clothes and clothes and clothes
Did anybody else pull out there Bible so you can follow along and laugh???
17:23 This may not be what they are referring to, but look at 2:52 of this video if you want that image:
The Bible is the best sci-fi book to ever be released
Think I’ll bring some of these to my bible chat should lighten the mood!
“Sin all you want”
The (original) Bible is a 2000+ old book written at a time when people had different views, values and rights. Many of its passages and verses are antiquated and inappropriate in modern times and therefore should not be taken literally, neither as a basis for religion nor as personal guidance. Just like societal laws change to adapt to the needs and values of the people, so does religion.
Judging an entire religion by a book written 2000 years ago is like judging a person by their infancy, that being said, it’s still fun to read the discrepancies and nonsensical views people had at the time. The Bible has received many addendums over the centuries so it’s not entirely like it used to be. (PS: I’m not religious, just wanted to give my 2 cents.)
And yet, people genuinely believe the shit in that old book of bronze age nonsense. It baffles me. I swear religious people only exist because no one has actually sat down and just *read* the book they proclaim to be the word of god. You think they would, given their belief that god said this shit, read the damn book.
The people just had no reading comprehension
Ezekial 23:20- Is that where the saying "hung like a horse" came from?
3:21 Okay, that made me chuckle. 🙂
Weirdest things I remember
God sets a bear on children for mocking a guy for being bald.
“Gives his daughters to do as they please with” to an angry mob and they “devalue his property”
Gives an manual on owning slaves
Terminates pregnancies without peoples permission
Floods most of the earth
Burns down cites for petty reasons.
Created language barriers because of building to high.
There’s more but I’m already having trouble sugar coating things
3:52 Actually, in English, the shortest Bible verse is Job 3:2: "He said." It’s 3 letters shorter.
Also, what’s "the spider’s curse"?
0:42 "Awake, O north wind; and come, thou south; blow upon my garden, that the spices thereof may flow out. Let my beloved come into his garden, and eat his pleasant fruits." (SOS 4:16)
Yes. The Bible has an erotic love poem that describes a woman requesting oral sex from her husband. 🙂
1st comment yay
"I stucketh my peepee in my zipper."
– Ezekiel 25:17
God hates figs…that’s the funniest thing I’ve seen on here in a very long time. But seriously, could we get that verse to the Westboro church nuts so they can see where they went wrong?
1 Samuel 24:3
He came to the sheep pens along the way; a cave was there, and [King] Saul went in to relieve himself.
I am a devout Christian who acknowledges that the Bible is a collection of books about messed up people,so I still love this video.
I’d also like to cheat and add a quote from a scribe that was never included for obvious reasons but it is in in a Bible so ill give it
“Here is nothing missing, but a cat urinated on this during a certain night in Deventer and because of it many others too (Implying multiple cats peed on said Bible) And beware well not to leave open books at night where cats can come. Next to it the scribe drew an image of his finger being waved at an ugly cat who looks almost ashamed of peeing on his Bible
Lol. If you take ANY book, and pick out a sentence out of context, you can get some interesting thoughts. But when if comes to biblical scriptures, one does need to understand not only the chapter. But the book which it came from, the history of the time, and politics of the time. And what the long term results and consequences would be.
The bible is messed up sometimes
Man. God really needs some clothes.
Can we get bizarre quotes from the Talmud next? There’s some interesting stuff about non-jews there.
Seems like god is very petty..
Matthew 1:1 The book of the generation of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham.
Duturanami 25 11 -12 inches had me.
The second to last story (the man and the pigs) appears in Mark chapter 5. When Christ asks his name, the demons answer and say "My name is Legion: for we are many." The man’s name is never given.
Seriously read the book of the Bible "Songs of Solomon"…. its basically a sexy love letter back and forth between a guy and a girl and its descriptions are both saucy and ridiculous
24:18 I was about to mention TIM Hawkins there. 🙂
I went to Catholic middle and high school. We had religion classes and a Bible was a required book. I remember reading it during class and saw the passage titled “The man with a Talking Ass”. I had to do a double take there and an interesting image popped into my head. For the record, it was about a donkey, not a rectum
Anyone else thinking the Bible is just a collection of 2000 year old fanfic…
This is amazing! I’d love to see more content like this. Can you find more information about angels?
Zuckerberg and Gates and Buffet
1:34 Some might say this is why John the Baptist was unmarried his whole life and suggested others do the same.
6:32 I once had a pastor tell us this and joke about it. He joked that maybe his servants weren’t going in there, and thought the king simply ate some really bad food. By the time they really started to worry, they thought "Let’s get him a roll of TP." That’s when they found the king dead.
I never realized how many verses were about periods…
There’s also a scripture, OT, that says a man has the right to sell his daughters into sexual slavery. It’s further explained in Jewish writings, that this only applies to daughters who have reached the age of three years plus one day.
That judge from Oversimplified’s Civil War :
looked it up and it’s almost certain that being "wounded in the stones" means being hit in the nuts
All fat belongs to the Lord
The one with the pigs Involved Jesus. The point was that someone was possessed by legions of demons, and Jesus’s presence made the demons throw themselves on the ground and beg him not to punish and banish them to the abyss (Basically seal them away early instead of waiting till god initiates Armageddon) instead they pleaded with him to allow them to leave using the swine as hosts. He gave them permission and immediately they transferred and committed suicide. The sheperds saw what happened and since everyone knew the guy was possessed (they had to restrain him but being – you know possessed, he kept breaking out and running away) so the fact that a ton of demons begged Jesus for their lives and slaughtered buch of pigs trying to escape terrified them all. Understandably they told him to leave, but the possessed guy wanted to join him. Jesus told him to stay and spread the story, and when he came back around everyone got over their fear and accepted him