Dating Advice Christians SHOULDN’T Follow
Dating Advice Christians SHOULDN’T Follow
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The idea of “the one” is a fallacy.
If everyone obeyed the word of God, anyone of age could be married to anyone of age of the opposite sex.
I actually trust the dating apps these days more than the in-person meet-ups. The girls in my life are so damn dodgy. At least on the dating apps I know they’re actually looking for something similar to what I’m looking for
Your first piece of advice was about being intentional in dating which is really good. But when it comes to how long someone should date, do you think college kids should marry that quickly? Most college kids are not self sufficient and rely heavily on their parents’ support. Do you think college kids should still marry while not being able to provide for themselves? I just hear my college ministry continue to emphasize things like “you should know if you want to marry that person after 6 months of dating” and “you shouldn’t date for more than a year because temptations will overwhelm you” and I just disagree with those statements because all relationships are different and also getting married in college could detract and even stop someone’s education. Would love to hear your thoughts on this
I wasted far too many years on the wrong women. Once I found the right one, we were married within 3 months. Yeah, super fast, and with some rough patches along the way as we grew, matured, and adapted to each other, but patience and understanding win the day. We’ve been married 3 years now, and just had our first kid earlier this month.
Don’t waste time on the wrong girl(s), guys. It’s not worth it. I’d have taken back all those years in an instant. When she’s right, you’ll know it. It’s hard to explain, though. I thought the other girls were right at the time as well, but this one was right in a way that made all the other ones look ridiculous by comparison, like “what was I even thinking??”-levels of ridiculous.
I didn’t know someone could be such an excellent fit for me before I met her, so it’s unfortunately still a bit hard to gauge beforehand.
Best way I can put it is this: You can’t always reliably know if a girl is not the right one for you, but you’ll ABSOLUTELY know if a girl is the right one, because just about EVERYTHING will line up EXACTLY right between you and her.
And most importantly: PRAY!
GOD knows His plans for you! Ask Him if she’s right. He’ll tell you if so!! ✝️
Opposite sex friendships have to change once you are dating/married. It’s fine when you’re single.
Dating with intentionality. Golden!
Can you name a single biblical passage that expressly prohibits friendly relationships between married women and men other than their husbands, or between married men and women other than their wives? You are inventing prudish rules that prohibit normal and natural relationships between human beings. Your religion is the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" religion.
I partially disagree with #4 from the man’s perspective because if you only get to know girls in the friend context it can cause you to get friend zoned more times than not and look more passive as opposed to asking them on a date and setting your intentions early on. Dating multiple women can also help you get to more women on a deeper level and identify red flags quicker.
On top of that I’ve also seen countless examples of guys that married the first girl they dated only to get destroyed in the divorce process.
Overall I think it’s important for men to have experience dating a lot of women so they don’t get taken advantage of later on.
Was with you to the last point. As friends the boundaries should have already been there before the contemplating of marriage to this other person. If your friend doesn’t respect your partner they don’t respect you and should not be your friend anyway.
My girlfriend has had this guy friend ever since the earlier years of school, they aren’t weirdly close or anything but I kept thinking about them when you were on your last point. I don’t feel like its a problem at all, they don’t hangout much and I don’t think that she has ever had any sort of romantic feelings for him and He lives in a different city because he moved away before high school. Given all my assumptions are right should i still have a problem with their friendship. Her and I are both 16, I’m not sure if age plays a part in this but I figured if that’s important then i should have that be known.
Already from the start, the first advice is good for people who are in relationships from a young age. After that, I agree. Seeing adults date for 7+ years kinda shows that there’s no rush to get married at all
I agree with most of the points in this video except for the 1st point. There are certain things that only time can reveal. Is this person honest, how they treat their family, their trajectory in life ect. I think 1-2 years is a good amount of time (depending on how old they are).
For the opposite friend’s thing I think that is generally correct. I have female friends but I would never hang out with them 1-1 and any girlfriend/wife would know and meet them. Why would you want to give your significant other even a hint of doubt?
Great Video!
Best advice on relationships I ever received was from my Grandmother.
1) stop marrying for the wedding and gifts and attention because that all does very quickly
2) stop expecting that your spouse is going to fix you – God is your source not them
3) don’t marry someone to satiate your issues with lust – your partner is not your sexual play thing
4) understand that marriage is meant to be forever and not for right now
5) accept that your spouse is going to grow apart from you and then through prayer and dedication will grow back together with you – give each other the space and grace to learn about yourselves so you can be better to each other
6) your children are important but not more important than each other – there is a reason the Bible says this
I think opposite sex friends are completely fine as long as there is transparency with your partner and clear boundaries.
Now, if my boyfriend was always hanging out with other girls, that would be a major red flag. But having good relationships with his female coworkers, having shared hobbies with other women, etc … that is totally fine
There’s so much talk about what the search is, over time, I found my advice to single and dating friends very judgmental cuz life is simply messy and there is value in trying to make sense even after “messing up’. How…
8:20 Only exception to leave is under adultery (in a marriage)
I saw a comment on a video from a Christian YouTube channel recently that said “my grandfather gave me great advice that until you get married, just be friends”, and I thought this was a terrible approach. If I had just treated my wife as a friend before we got married I would never have married her. There’s nothing there to drive or motivate you to be a responsible man and prepare to be a husband.
What if your female friend is a lesbian
The Holy app wasn’t better than any other dating app.
If you’re dating for less than a year, you definitely should get premarital counseling from a certified Christian counselor before you move ahead. Really, everyone should do premarital counseling, but especially couples who have dated only a short time.
Having taken premarital counseling as part of my degree, I can say that studies do seem to show that more than a year is generally recommended (lower divorce rates are associated with couples who date 1-3 years or so). My Christian marriage counseling professor rather strongly emphasized to our class that couples should aim for at least 1.5 years before marriage and I tend to agree that is a wise decision in most cases.
1 – Date for Years – 0:37
1.5 – Don’t use dating apps – 3:02
2 – Move in with them first – 4:01
3 – Sleep with them first – 5:37
4 – You need to date a bunch of people – 6:30
5 – If you’re not happy you should leave – 8:10
6 – Your soul mate will be perfect for you – 10:07
7 – It’s okay to have opposite sex friends while you’re dating – 12:37
Concerning opposite-sex friends, as a very devoted Christian and loyal individual, even I find that it is perfectly fine to be really good friends with anybody; but just make sure you keep your girlfriend or wife as the forefront of all your human relationships!
I’m not going to say that you can’t have close friends of the opposite sex but there should certainly be boundaries. I’ve been burned multiple times by past gf’s that develop romantic feelings for men they referred to as ‘just a friend’.
It’s my belief that "dating" shouldn’t be a relationship category. Biblical relationships can be sorted into three categories: Family, Friend, Married. So I was convinced that you should stay friends while deciding if you’re going to marry, not go through a "mini-marriage" by dating.
Hey I appreciate you, you should have more views. Wanted to let you know feel free to use any of my music for background, a lot is suitable for that especially the ambient album I’m about to upload. It’s all copyright-usable.
I have to disagree with you about not going on a lot of dates. Getting to know people in group settings can work for some people who are more extroverted but the more introverted types are easier to get to know one on one. Group settings are limited anyway because a person’s behavior around others may be completely different when the crowd is gone.
so you first point on "You should know them for a couple years." I think your idea that means to take it less seriously is false in most cases its not to rush to get married so you can understand them better. so, first advice was kind of a flop and bad advice I and most shouldn’t listen from you when it comes to that piece you said. the whole point of waiting awhile in a relationship is to be intentional but also see if what they say aligns with how they act and that comes out later on rather then the honey moon phase which each partner act really good towards each other. please anyone do not listen to the first point he said it was bad advice.
7:49 I went into a dating relationship with someone who was lukewarm and that was not a good decision. I thought “as long as she believes I’m good” Wrong! I didn’t know my standards.
I would say a good reason to date for at least a year or more is also because people don’t show their true colors very quickly. I once new a guy and hung out with him for over two years, thinking he was a good friend, but it wasn’t until after that time that my eyes (and his attitude) truly began to see what he was really about and I had to end that friendship because there was inconsolable problems. So yes, date to marry, but be careful that you are not blind to someone’s faults and that you are both completely honest to each other about those faults.
Fix the divorce and family courts 1st
I wish i had this before my girlfriemd and i broke up. We put a lot of effort to try to get ready for marriage but we hit a massive rough spot and it broke down our relationship.
Christians over think this stuff way too much. Just find someone who loves God with all their heart and who really gets you and you align in all areas of life.
I honestly think dating for years and years is just as problematic as getting married immediately. Especially for Christians who are waiting for marriage. If you tell me you’ve been dating for 5 years, my belief that you are still waiting is approximately 2% no matter what else you say. If you’ve been together that long there is literally no reason you shouldn’t be married.
On the other hand, one piece of advice I would give is short engagements are far preferable to long ones if you are waiting. The temptation is too great when you’re already committed to that extent.
A friend of mine advised to keep dating between a minimum of 6 months to a maximum of 2 years. I agree with that, I think the minimum is just short enough while maximum is just long enough, especially if we’re Christians, intentional with marriage as the end goal and staying pure throughout the courtship.
I think you should go through all seasons but always save time making sure they are pursuing God. I will also if you have been married before it’s or you are older it’s easier to know what you are looking
Do one for long distance relationships
I was asking the most important questions within weeks to see if he was actually worth considering to be my boyfriend at all – And by the grace of God, about a year and a half later we’re about to get married!
I agree on point number 1! I’m single, have been for a couple years, and plan to be for at least another year. When it comes time to marry, I don’t plan on dating for more than 6 months. The friendship stage is where so many of these questions can and in my opinion should be asked. Anyone who doesn’t show potential to be a wife prior to dating wouldn’t even be considered for dating. “A man that finds a wife finds a good thing…” a wife is found already as a wife.
12:40 agree, my opposite sex friends I talk to once every 3 months and or 6months, literally no point of keeping them close if I am not pursuing them. The ‘friend’ the one I am pursuing I’ve made clear and speak to them often and we still have boundaries. When I decide to go harder on pursuing her as I still need to fix some manly things, I am telling her, her male friends need to go on the back seat completely, I do not care how long they’ve known her for because I am the one who will be courting her and fulfilling her manly needs not them.
About the Holy app:
I didn’t like it. I understand their thought process of being intentional with your swipes but putting a limit on how many people you can swipe a day was ridiculous! I was VERY intentional on who I was skipping on and I am sorry, almost all of them I got was a big NO! I didn’t have quality people showing up. I couldn’t filter by denomination unless I paid a subscription (which I wasn’t going to buy if I didn’t even know if I was going to find someone on there!!). This was in 2023 so maybe things got better but it was not okay for me. I used SALT instead which was a bit better. I did find my husband on that app!
I really do not want to use dating apps. But it does make me wonder if I will ever meet someone based on my circumstance. JESUS MAKE A WAY.
Im a 41 year old widower with an 8 year old son. I completely agree with you in the broad spectrum.
However, i feel you minimize to many nuances that a younger 20 something wont understand.
First, sex isn’t everything, but completely mismatched libidos is going to lead to many problems down the road. I dont feel youth have the wisdom to know how to spot and address such issues before they start to build real resentment in a relationship.
Same can be said for many other larger relationships issues like conflict resolution, and emotional vulnerability.
I do believe people should marry young and date with intent. But to achieve this, i believe parents, church, and anyone with wisdom should be much more forthcoming in sharing their wisdom.
I grew up and remain faithful to Christ, yet it took a lot of dark times and my own pursuit of knowledge to learn some of the even most basic things about the opposite sex. No one ever tried to tell me.
I ask you, why does the church in general, shy away from diving into true practical information involving sex and relationships? Not just quote scripture. This is most obvious to me, in how many women get put on hormonal BC by Christian parents or how many women are pro murdering babies. Never once have i heard a sermon address this issue directly.
There should definitely be a distinction between casual friends and close intimate friends. Casual friends, like in the workplace or some activity, or even church is one thing. But if you have an intimate friend who you share your struggles and weaknesses with and rely on, that is a serious issue. That is the sort of relationship that grows in only one direction, and pretending otherwise is foolishness.
And it’s important to listen to your wife/husband about anyone who might be approaching that line. When I was first married, due to circumstances and schedules I ended up spending a good amount of time with my brother in law. In my mind he was family and I was taken so I didn’t even realize how it looked until my husband said he was feeling jealous. I had to take a step back and set new boundaries out of respect for my husband. It wasn’t hard to do, but it set a foundation for trust and respect in our relationship.
I think Paul Washer talked about if a relationship was just smooth, then you would have conditional love. So there WILL be things to work through so that you would have UNCONDITIONAL love. Thanks for the video man!